Irony

Life is full of ironies. And I believe I may have just experienced the greatest one of my life so far. Yesterday was Father's Day, a time to celebrate the years, the life of my dad being just that, a dad. And it was good, it was a very special, encouraging time and it was a reminder to value him for everything he is, to love him dearly and honor him.
Then today, not 24 hours later, I received a phone call from my sister...telling me that Mom was taking Dad to the ER with the chance that he'd just had a mini-stroke. The irony of celebrating my dad's life and then turning around immediately to face the harsh truth of his mortality. It was strange, to get that jolt, that shock of real life as I face the truth that my father is growing older. My parents both turn 54 this year, but let me tell you that they are not anywhere close to old. They don't look it, act it or in any way resemble being old, elderly, decrepit or any other such thing reaching senior years. In fact the older I get the younger the ages they are become. Yet all of a sudden there was the frailty of life before my eyes in my daddy. My daddy, who'd maybe had a stroke...
The lyrics of a Casting Crowns song echoed through my mind, "a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean. A vapor in the wind." And in a new way like never before I felt the truth of those words. This life is so short, so fast and fading and the knowledge that before long I could lose the daddy who had always been there for my entire life was a cold wind that swept through me. Maybe not today, because this wasn't that serious, but sometime in the future, and those distant problems you hear about other people dealing with can happen to him too. Yesterday we spoke of his purpose, adventures, strengths, character and influence. Today we watched as the weaknesses of his broken, human body were prevailing, and he was not in control of his situation, powerless to change the struggles inside him.

Even when Mom took Dad to the hospital he wasn't in a critical condition, it was more to determine what had actually happened and to try to prevent it from happening again. I can't even grasp it quite, put the words into the thought that it needs to make it a filled out, understandable idea, but I felt in a close, personal sense the reality of the truth that one day my daddy would die, and that probably sooner than later in the number of years that I have lived so far and may yet live. That was hard. I don't want to lose my daddy, I want to hang on, to grab hold of him and never let go for all my life so that he stays right here with me. But standing in that moment, listening to the message from my sister, right here, right now, I knew, knew in a real, factual, this is going to happen way I'd never known before that it's truth. He will die and I will lose him. My daddy is still alive and well right now, but in that moment I felt his loss and it hurt...

As I drove home to wait for news from the hospital another song played on the radio. How do we doubt God? Really and truly, I don't understand, even when I do it. Everything He does is orchestrated to perfection when He plans it. "God is greater than the fear you're facing, greater than the storm that's raging, God is, God is, with you when you cry, so cry out His name, 'cause God is greater than the pain..." Timing couldn't be better? God is the creator of time, indeed how could He be anything but the master of it. And I just had to smile, and I felt His presence as He looked at me and reminded me that He is in control, and nothing on this planet happens without His permission. In the middle of that pain and concern, closeness to mortality, there was a peace and joy in the Lord's infinity. And I let it go. It's in His hands anyway so why try to take it from Him when I can't even carry it. My daddy is in His hands, and when it's time that he leaves this world then his life will truly be complete in his Maker. And you know what, driving down the road it was beautiful thought. The irony...

And yet a moment like that brings the depth, the clock, the purpose and path of your life into a clarity of focus that we often gloss over and at times entirely miss. We live a life of grace, so revel in every moment the Lord sees fit to give us. Love your family, love your friends, love your enemies. We have the here and now, it's ours, and it's really all we do have because the past is gone already and the future has yet to be manifest. I have the time that the Lord granted for me to be with Dad, no more, but no less! Don't be ungrateful, make use of every bit handed to you. Any moment our "perfectly normal, happy, safe lives" can be turned upside down, because really our lives hang in the balance. Accept the gift of the Creator and then dwell in the present even as you step back to see the timeline stretching on either side. God for a moment let me feel the finite and boundless at once. My dad is okay, and as best the doctors understand tonight's concerns were actually caused by positional vertigo and possibly connected with the coincidental diagnosis of mitral prolapse (heart valve problem). Some more testing will need to be done with that but an MRI confirmed no involvement of stroke. We are ever so thankful that it wasn't a stroke and a good deal less serious than it might have been. God was good to us all and we acknowledge His grace. And in the middle of those problems, more concerning than many we run into on a daily basis, in fact because of them, we saw the goodness of the Lord and His protection of us, and it was indeed His perfect irony.

You Are Loved...

I was chatting with my dear sisters (and sister-in-law who counts as a sister) recently and our conversation, along with previous thoughts of mine, have gotten me rolling steadily on a mental track that has resurfaced in my mind from time to time already. We were talking about fears, struggles, insecurities, relational difficulties with other people and the like.
I know that I, for one, place a lot of weight upon how I present myself to other people and the reputation that I have. So yes, what they think about me. Most of the time I don't care if they want to be my best friends or not, I just want to prove myself, to be as much as I can, to give evidence of maturity in my life choices, to be seen as responsible, hard-working, to be looked up to and respected. But not just those things, because I want those to be seen as the fruits of what lies underneath. I want to reflect Christ in the day-to-day, and that when they think of me they think of an honorable young woman who is trying to serve the Lord, a Christian who is striving to live her daily life in accordance with the Scripture. And when I hear reports otherwise, possibly through the gossip chain, directly from the quoter, or concerns from a well-meaning friend then it bothers me. It really, really bothers me... Actually it hurts...

So I mull over it, review behaviors, listen to old mental audio, question and cross-question everything. It's painful, yet at the same time as I may initially not believe it I always do a mental rehash to try to figure out how much truth was in what was said or they believed, and where I really am messing up. I always want to make things better, and I usually come at it from the approach that if something was wrong, was off, that it was my fault at least in part and I can fix it and improve that other person's view by my actions. But that doesn't always happen. I can try as hard as I want, improve drastically and perhaps I'm doing really well, and still my reputation in their eyes may not have changed at all. Ouch. I don't know about you but I know that I doubt myself a lot. I question my value and quality of character. Just how valuable I am at large, how positive an influence I really am, how clear a reflection I really make. I know life is not about what other people think of us, nor should we live for praise and affirmation. But when I don't get feedback in the positive then I begin to doubt how much of the positive is really there. This has often been a source of trouble for me because I know in my head the way things should be but I have temptations and fears that try to pull me down. My friends and family have reminded me that it doesn't matter what everyone in the world wants to think of me. I need to value the opinions of my family, friends and mentors, and listen to the things they have to say. Yes, I can make notes of the concerns other people have, but sometimes there are people in this world who are not going to understand you, who are going to dislike you or think the worst of you... and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it! But it doesn't necessarily reflect the truth, and they likely don't really know at all where you're coming from. Still, it's hard for me. I'm a pleaser and a fixer, and when things aren't good it rubs like an abrasion.

And yet I know there is more, and always two sides to the issue, and along with the challenges and struggles we were talking about we also shared encouragements and reminders. So I want to share them with you. So often, even as believers, we are caught up in the world and other peoples' opinions and we lose focus on the ultimate truth of what God says. It does matter that we seek to live our lives for Christ, to be reflections of His truth and live honorably in the day-to-day. But in the end it is the Lord's opinion and truth that matters and our hearts to serve Him, not whether all the people around us think we are the best. And our Savior speaks ultimate truth to us through His Word that we need to believe. God loves us, He loves us the way He designed us to be and He loves us the way we are. Mind, I'm not saying He loves everything about the way we are, because when we sin we grieve Him greatly, but He loves us just as we are, even though we are. The Lord looks at us, His redeemed children, and we are pure in His eyes, and lovely. Can you imagine? He designed us with His own hands, formed our beings and breathed life into each one. He created each and every one of us exactly like ourselves only, no two alike, unique, special and reflecting His glory. We feel worthless and He tells us that we are valuable and the most treasured part of His creation. We fear and worry and He offers us the confidence and boldness to face anything in the world through Him. When we feel the weakest He can show us the most strength. We get lost in turmoil of unknowns and confusion of life and decisions and yet He declares His peace. When we're in pain, hurting and crying out He comforts and loves us in perfection. And in the midst of the hardest trials it's His gift of perseverance that gets us through. I doubt my abilities and character, I am afraid of my failings, I hurt at the negative opinions of others and I get tangled and lost in my own quirks and problems. But He loves me. He loves me! And He loves you! And you are a precious gem, made in His image, valuable and special. Hear that truth, friends. Hear it and be encouraged and rejuvenated. That truth floods my soul and swells my heart full to bursting with His awesomeness. In the midst of my biggest problems I see His greatest light, and it's absolutely glorious that He loves me as I am, who I am, He created me and when He looks at me He is delighted and pleased. There is no greater feeling in this world than to know that your Maker, your Creator and Savior looks at you with perfect love and eyes seeing infinite value. Lift your head high, wipe the tears from your eyes and stand in the Lord's truth. His truth never changes, don't let the lies and ideas of the world bring you down. Live, laugh and feel the joy of life because you are loved!!!

The Cold that Bothers Us

The Pixar conquest of Disney—the ongoing effort by the new recruits from Pixar to change the Mouse House's shallow culture of self-indulgence and self-esteem with something much more morally serious—has been an uneven battle up to now. But Frozen is an unqualified victory for Pixar's morally serious and culturally edifying storytelling, and its stratospheric success with audiences and critics may well turn the tide of the war. It's a profound movie on many levels.

The most obvious lesson of Frozen—the one made explicit in the movie—teaches viewers that love is not about how you feel. It's about putting other people's needs ahead of your own. This theme by itself profoundly inverts the old Disney culture; it's a big win for the Pixar invaders. But Frozen not only makes this point, it also traces some wide-ranging consequences. It shows us why people are investing too much importance in romantic love relative to other kinds of love, like sisterhood. The responsible grown-ups who tell you not to burn down everything else in your life for the sake of "true love" are not your enemies; they're your friends. They're the people who really love you.

When Enchanted subverted these same fairy-tale conventions—getting engaged to someone you just met—it was only going for laughs. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of laughs in Frozen. It's the funniest movie I've seen in years. But there are not a lot of laughs on this particular subject. Frozen is not overturning the Disney view of marriage for fun. Frozen is playing to win.

Everybody's a Fixer-Upper

That theme alone would be enough to make Frozen an early contender for the most culturally regenerative movie of the year. But there's more going on.

Under the surface, Frozen deals with two other subjects that are, if anything, even tougher for our culture. One is the corruption of human nature. It used to be that pretty much everyone agreed there was a systematic moral dysfunction in human nature. Christians hold to this teaching in an especially strong form, of course, but we are by no means alone. Aristotle believed it, as did Kant. There is a whole song in Frozen about how nobody is what he ought to be: "Everybody's a Bit of a Fixer-Upper." The villains in Frozen are willing to kill, but the main threat to the heroine's life actually comes from the selfish actions of a sympathetic character—someone who loves her. This person, we are repeatedly and emphatically assured, would never harm her. After the potentially fatal blow, the question emerges: how could this person possibly do this? The character held up as the voice of wisdom gives us the answer: because all people have that selfishness inside them, and under the right circumstances, it will surface. Even to the destruction of those we love most.

This theme, of course, relates to the main message that love is not about feelings. We prioritize our own feelings rather than other people's needs because other people are so disappointing. And our lives fall apart when we prioritize our own feelings because we are just as disappointing as everyone else.

We Need Each Other

The other submerged theme in Frozen, one buried even deeper, is the tension between social rules and individual freedom. Without giving too much away, I can say that Frozen is the movie Brave was trying to be. Here's what Brave attempted to say: society needs rules, and individuals who are not well served by the rules must learn to subordinate their own desires to the good of their neighbors as embodied in the rules. At the same time, social authorities must recognize that the rules should accommodate the needs of individuals—including the needs of those unusual individuals not well served by the same rules that serve everyone else.

There was internal conflict over Brave at Disney, and it shows. But Frozen succeeds brilliantly where Brave faltered—better, perhaps, than Brave could have. Because in Frozen we see what happens to individuals who try to flee from society in order to escape its rules. They fall apart. Their lives become arbitrary and meaningless. And they learn to hate. "The cold never bothered me anyway," Queen Elsa sings as she builds an ice castle to live in, alone, at the top of a remote mountain. She doesn't realize that the cold is seeping into her heart.

We all need freedom, but we also need each other. See this movie.

(taken from The Gospel Coalition website. Also read this article if interested.)

Psalm 34

This is not how I feel right now. In fact I feel much the opposite, and I'm struggling a lot. But this is my prayer right now, my cry for faith.

"I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

My soul will make its boast in the Lord;
The humble will hear it and rejoice.

O magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together.

I sought the Lord, and He answered me,
And delivered me from all my fears.

They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces will never be ashamed.

This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
And saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him,
And rescues them.

O taste and see that the Lord is good;
How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!

O fear the Lord, you His saints;
For to those who fear Him there is no want.

The young lions do lack and suffer hunger;
But they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.

Come, you children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

Who is the man who desires life
And loves length of days that he may see good?

Keep your tongue from evil
And your lips from speaking deceit.

Depart from evil and do good;
Seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous
And His ears are open to their cry. 

The face of the Lord is against evildoers,
To cut off the memory of them from the earth.

The righteous cry, and the Lord hears
And delivers them out of all their troubles. 

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the Lord delivers him out of them all.

He keeps all his bones,
Not one of them is broken.

Evil shall slay the wicked,
And those who hate the righteous will be condemned.

The Lord redeems the soul of His servants,
And none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned."

-Psalms 34 

 

Art of Words

"Child, to say the very thing you really mean, the whole of it, nothing more or less or other than what you really mean; that’s the whole art and joy of words." –the Fox "Til We Have Faces"