I know the feeling all too well. It seems like being overwhelmed is one of the first attacks that gets brought my way to bring me down and lately the pressure to give in has been hitting me at every turn. There are so many areas of my life right now where I have questions, crossroads or difficulties that I don't know how to settle: finances, work, future, direction in life, faith, relationships, responsibilities, mistakes. I could elaborate on the list to a great degree, and either make you feel sorry for me or think I'm pathetic for complaining, but that's not why I'm writing this tonight. No, because it's a battle I'm fighting right now, and it's real and present for me, but maybe I can encourage you through my struggles or relate to you. And maybe...maybe it's so that the Lord can give me the next measure of grace to not be completely overwhelmed as He draws it out of me onto paper. I know, that might sound pretty surface level or magic fix-like but no, this present battle has been a rough go lately. But here's a glimpse inside, and this post will be very real...
Sometimes I feel so stuck that I have to tuck myself away in a corner, with the tears streaming down my face, crying out inside, just begging God to be my comfort and peace right now because I can't find it. I need to feel Him wrap His arms around me and remind me of His hope and promises because the weight of life is crushing me. I keep getting confused about what direction to go in my life, failing to make ends meet with my basic expenses, making mistakes that let people down or cause damage, struggle in relationships with family members, stumble over character weaknesses, hurt over major disappointments; and it all piles up until I drop to my knees and don't know where to go or what to do next. I feel empty, confused and almost lost. Did I not understand what God wanted me to do? Am I going the wrong direction? Why do my hopes and dreams seem to come right before my eyes and get yanked away? Do people understand what goes through me and how I really work? Why does everything seem to come all at once? Is God just trying to build me through this or am I really off the mark? How do I know what the right choice is? Why do I fail again and again, will I ever get it right? I keep crying as things pile up, I get so pent up inside and feel like I could just scream or go crazy to let it out, and I feel alone in my world. Like I'm stuck with this struggle in my own place, with no one who is dealing with the same and no one who would understand. It's such a hard place to be, feeling like your up against a brick wall with the world crashing on you and you're crying out in pain and confusion. I know God is there, oh, I know that He hears me, that He hurts for my pain, and whatever the cause that He'll bring it to good in the end, but it's so hard.. Because even though you know He's there He doesn't just instantly change life and make everything instantly better. The issues may not feel as big right then, but every one of them still faces you. Honestly, for me, one of the most therapeutic things to do when overwhelmed is to reach that spot where I just sob because of the pent up emotions and confusion. Something about crying, and I mean real crying, not the random tears that come when you don't know why, but genuine, from the heart sobs, is actually very soothing to your body. I have come to realize that when you cry God created it as a natural outlet to relieve what's pent up inside. Crying helps actually release the tension and firecracker energy that's inside, to a degree flushing you out and leaving a sort of calm and comfort afterward as it clears the toxins. Sure, it doesn't fix any problems, but it does help you feel better after everything has gotten piled up inside, tired too but it helps. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think crying should be an excuse in any way, and it does take a whole lot to build up before I get close to that point of flushing through all those tears. It's actually pretty rare that I end up there, although when I do it's sometimes more helpful than when it doesn't quite reach the breaking point.
So yeah, it's tough, sometimes really tough. And being overwhelmed is definitely one of the trigger points the devil uses to bring me down. But yet even when I am crying out to God from those spots it's not where I should be. I don't mean the overwhelmed part, that's a no-brainer, but the fact that I am not responding to the Lord as I should, not where He tells us to be in our relationships with Him. We go through some awful hard valleys, and that makes the mountain tops all the more beautiful and breathtaking when we get there, but sometimes in the valleys we don't remember the truths that we are supposed to cling to. We struggle even worse because we're not trusting in the Lord enough. Even the word overwhelmed gives you a sense of that. To be overwhelmed is "to be covered or buried beneath a mass of something; to be overcome completely in mind or feeling". Ugh, that's a nasty spot to be for sure. But when I'm struggling so hard, fighting windmills and feeling like I'm stumbling in the dark there is always at least a glimmer of light if I will look up. That glimmer is the most beautiful thing in the world and I thank the Lord, my Abba Father, that He is indeed there for me and even in the darkest places His truth is steady and unwavering. The only place to go from those spots is back to His Word, to the truth He has told us that is ever faithful, ever real, ever the same and ever our strength. I cling to the objective truth that I know, despite whatever feelings might want to think otherwise. The truth that God is good, is the sovereign of the world, loves me and has redeemed me, has made me His child, and will always be my comfort and source of strength. I take hold of the scriptures and hang on to them tightly, the truth of them and what He is saying to me right there and how I should respond to Him in my stress and struggle.
"We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord’s dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful." - James 5:11
“For I am the Lord your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you.’" -Isaiah 41:13
"Peace
I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I
give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." -John 14:27
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7
"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted
beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way
of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it." -1 Corinthians 10:13
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble....'Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'” -Psalm 46:1, 10
"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, and He knows those who take refuge in Him." -Nahum 1:7
"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;" -2 Corinthians 4:8-9
“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?" -Matthew 6:25-27
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
"And looking at them Jesus said to them, 'With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'” - Matthew 19:26
And there you have it. I mean, what can you do? You get up with the tear stains on your face and the pain in your eyes and through it you smile and accept the peace that the Lord offers when you trust Him. It's not denying reality, it's not hiding your pain, it's not living vicariously through other people. It's allowing Him to carry the burden for you because you can't do it, allowing Him to tell you the truth and believing it with all your heart, it's turning to face the day with His strength as your foundation on which you're built. So as it is I will end with this. Did my problems all go away? No. Will I wake up tomorrow with no concerns to face? No. Will I be over my struggles? No. Will life be magically better? No. But the truth of God stands through all of that, and even while still dealing with what stands before it's never as bad with His truth as my fortress and stronghold. It reminds me to think of everything He has done for me and all the promises He has fulfilled and all the things He chooses to give me. It does me good to even look down now at my previous post. In fact even now I must smile, and a whisper in my heart says, "thank you, Father." No matter what does come, and as much overwhelming as comes over me this is still true and so I must say:
"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him." -Psalm 28:7
