Individual Discouragement and Personal Growth

Moses saw the oppression of his people and felt certain that he was the one to deliver them, and in the righteous indignation of his own spirit he started to right their wrongs. After he launched his first strike for God and for what was right, God allowed Moses to be driven into empty discouragement, sending him into the desert to feed sheep for forty years. At the end of that time, God appeared to Moses and said to him "'...bring My people...out of Egypt.' But Moses said to God, 'Who am I that I should go...?'" (Exodus 3:10-11) In the beginning Moses had realized that he was the one to deliver the people, but he had to be trained and disciplined by God first. He was right in his individual perspective, but he was not the person for the work until he had learned true fellowship and oneness with God.
We may have the vision of God and a very clear understanding of what God wants, and yet when we start to do it, there comes to us something equivalent to Moses' forty years in the wilderness. It's as if God had ignored the entire thing, and when we are thoroughly discouraged, God comes back and revives His call to us. and then we begin to tremble and say, "Whom am I that I should go...?" We must learn that God's great stride is summed up in these words--"I AM WHO I AM...has sent me to you" (Exodus 3:14) We must also learn that our individual effort for God shows nothing but disrespect for Him--our individuality is to be rendered radiant through a personal relationship with God, so that He may be "well pleased" (Matthew 3:17) We are focused on the right individual perspective of things; we have the vision and can say, "I know this is what God wants me to do." But we have not yet learned to get into God's stride. If you are going through a time of discouragement, there is a time of great personal growth ahead.

taken from My Utmost for His Highest Oct. 15

Going Through Spiritual Confusion

"Jesus answered and said, 'you do not know what you ask.'" -Matthew 20:22

There are times in your spiritual life when there is confusion, and the way out of it is not simply to say that you should not be confused. It is not a matter of right and wrong, but a matter of God taking you through a way that you temporarily do not understand. And it is only by going through the spiritual confusion that you will come to the understanding of what God wants for you.
The Shrouding of His Friendship (see Luke 11:5-8). Jesus gave the illustration here of a man who appears not to care for his friend. He was saying, in effect, that is how the heavenly Father will appear to you at times. You will think that He is an unkind friend, but remember--He is not. The time will come when everything will be explained. There seems to be a cloud on the friendship of the heart, and often even love itself has to wait in pain and tears for the blessing of fuller fellowship and oneness. When God appears to be completely shrouded, will you hang on with confidence in Him?
The Shadow on His Fatherhood (see Luke 11:11-13). Jesus said that there are times when your Father will appear as if He were an unnatural father--as if He were callous and indifferent--but remember, He is not. "Everyone who asks receives..." (Luke 11:10). If all you see is a shadow on the face of the Father right now, hang on to the fact that He will ultimately give you clear understanding and will fully justify Himself in everything that He has allowed into your life.
The Strangeness of His Faithfulness (see Luke 18:1-8). "When the Son of Man comes, will He really find faith on the earth?" (Luke 18:8). Will He find the kind of faith that counts on Him in spite of the confusion? Stand firm in faith, believing that what Jesus said is true, although in the meantime you do not understand what God is doing. He often has bigger issues at stake than the particular things you are asking of Him right now.

taken from My Utmost for His Highest, Sept. 12

Ten little monkeys...

I ran across this poem early this evening. Monica and I (with some help from Greg) made it up a few years ago. It's silly, but I hope it gives you a laugh!

There's ten little monkeys
That's quite the gentlemen
But one helped the wrong person
And there went monkey ten

They went into a restaurant
'Cause it was time to dine
One ate too much sushi
And there went monkey nine

Mama bought a tiger
And forgot to buy it's mate
The tiger then got angry
And there went monkey eight

Mama baked some bread
Forgot to add the leaven
The little monkeys ate it
And there went monkey seven

Monkeys got a magic book
And tried to do some tricks
One caused himself to vanish
And there went monkey six

The monkeys all grew up
Mama taught them how to drive
But they crashed into a semi
And there went monkey five

The monkeys tried some back flips
They got a little sore
One was too ambitious
And there went monkey four

The monkeys all went to the beach
But they had to pay a fee
They forgot the checkbook
So there went monkey three

A single pair of monkeys
Visited the zoo
One was confiscated
And there went monkey two

A solitary monkey
Tried to lift a ton
He only got it started
Alas poor monkey one...

Amurath Sunrise aka "Sunny" or "Ari"

Hey Everybody! Guess what?! I got a horse! Yup, he's a little (well, big) Arabian yearling! Bright chestnut, four white socks, and a star stripe snip on his face! He's really sweet, big and pretty, and very athletic! At just over a year old he is 14.1 hh! (For non-horse people that is 14 hands, 1 inch. Each hand is 4 inches, so he is roughly 4'8" at the shoulder, big for an Arab that young!) I'm so very excited to have him, and be able to train him up myself! Here are pictures!!

Friday, July 30th, 2010

I got up at 4:00 a.m. FL time, which, for anyone who wonders is 3:00 a.m. back home! Very short night's sleep! As it turns out Logan, Hilary and Hannah got up even earlier because they wanted to go to IHOP for "breakfast". Marty took them, and they did end up buying a homeless guy some breakfast. From there we drove to Hertz to drop off our cars. The Hertz bus took us to the airport. The check-in was pretty long. Everyone had to be signed in and then confirm their information, then the gal behind the counter would print off each person's tags for their luggage. On our way to our terminal those of us who didn't eat at IHOP got stuff from Starbucks. I got to try a smoothie, but there was too much banana in it. (McDonald's has way better smoothies) and I got a cheese danish. We had to wait for a pretty long time before boarding...I almost fell asleep, but couldn't quite because it was really chilly. Logan got excited as we were boarding the plane because they had the little TVs in the back of the headrests, but the flight attendant had to inform him that there was a malfunction so they didn't work right now. We each got a pair of cheap earbuds though. I was tired enough that I slept most of this flight. When not asleep I journaled or watched out the window. Our layover was in Houston, TX this time. That was cool for me since Houston is my home town. We flew into Houston Intercontinental Airport. We then had to take a small train over to our terminal! Upon having reached it, and discovering that it was quite crowded Dorene and Bethany waited there and we went back a ways to the food court area. I just snacked on some of my beef jerky, but since it was about 8:30 (our time) the others decided they were hungry enough to eat again, so they got donuts and milk. We got back over to the terminal just about time to start loading. This plane was really small...well not as small as the DC-3s, but not too much bigger. There was a row of single seats on one side, and just double seats on the other. We were in the very back of the plane, but once again right near the wings. We kinda had this thing the whole trip of getting seats on or right behind the wings. We had a long wait at the runway before take-off. I enjoyed it because from where I was sitting I could see the line of jets in front of us and watch each of them take off. There was another runway to the left of us that I watched too. I never knew that there were that many planes at a time waiting to take off, and they were all different sizes. All of the commercial planes we flew in had a magazine in the seat back called Sky Mall. The young gang got a big kick out of looking through those magazines, exclaiming over the ridiculous items, and deciding which ones we would use to decorate our homes, etc. when we were rich and grown up. I do believe those magazines are designed as 'the things you can get people who already have everything'!!! (if you're interested you can visit skymall.com and see all the stuff :P) We played an A-Z movie titles game, and then one with popular actors. I'm pretty sure I knew less of the names than the others did. Anyway I did get excited on this trip since we were getting so near to home. When we arrived in Kansas City and fetched our luggage we waited until we got a call from Pastor Bowen that he was ready to pick us up. The first thing I noticed when we went outside was how humid it was. Ugh. It had been hot in Haiti, but the humidity coming home was much worse. On the way back we had a discussion about what food everybody wanted to eat first thing coming home. Most of them said ice cream or a hamburger...I wanted a good fresh salad. Yum. We stopped at a Wendy's in a far suburb of KC to eat lunch. I got a salad, and a root beer float. While we were waiting for our food a guy in line behind us commented on Logan's fish necklace. He encouraged him for wearing it and said he was doing a great job. The guy had a reflective vest on and looked like he'd been doing some sort of outdoor work. We thought, oh that's nice, and thought that was the end of it. Anyway after lunch we headed on home. We got to the church at about 2:30 in the afternoon. Greg was at the church working on the movie. (a project of his and Monica's) So I got to wish him a late happy birthday and then hung out talking with him waiting for Mom to come pick us up. Brothers are the coolest! I guess it was a good thing I slept on the way back because we celebrated Greg's birthday when I got home. So that was our trip! An amazing time and a great blessing and eye opener for me.

But, an end note. On Sunday morning Pastor Bowen came to us to share a story. Apparently after our return on Friday the church received a call from a guy in KC. It was the man at Wendy's. The man was a Christian but had been struggling lately, and that morning had gotten into a quarrel with one of the guys at his work. He left for lunch angry, but when he went to lunch he saw a group of three adults w/ several young people. One of the young men was wearing a fish necklace that said 'Jesus' and the guy assumed that it was a church youth group. He proceeded to observe that group while he was eating lunch and was very encouraged but the way the group interacted and enjoyed each other. In fact his was so blessed by the witness of the group that when he returned to work that day he apologized to his co-worker and tried to make amends. He had gotten the information off the side of the church bus and called to let us know the impact we'd had on him and he thanked us. Little did we know, that eating at a fast food restaurant on the way back from Haiti would influence another person that much! We often never know who is watching us...

Thursday, July 29th, 2010

Greg's birthday. I wish I could be there to wish Togo happy birthday in person. We had cereal for breakfast, and coffee of course. We've had coffee every day! The coffee is so good! I guess it's a good thing that we don't drink coffee at home, or I'd probably drink too much when I get back. Oh, we went on a walk at 6:15 again. It was the same group except we traded Logan for Bethany. On the way back a guy named Donald joined us and walked with us most of the way through town. He talked with Marty quite a bit, and he told us that he knew the Campbell's and the other missionaries in town. I guess he did, because he was in the send off group at the airport that afternoon! The morning we spent in a bit of packing and then mostly with the kids. Jesse and Logan went to town to get machetes and vanilla for everyone. (people place 'orders' before they leave!) Jimmy became especially attached to me. He wouldn't hardly leave my side all morning. Otenel, on the other hand, kept running away and being ornery. A lot of the girls got really moody. Benji just sat around, but Galaan and Rosie wanted me to hold them. Mariilyn stayed with Hannah much of the time. Most of the middle aged boys were kinda teasing or held back. Wesley sat off to the side of the porch, Ronald sat with the much on the porch but wouldn't say much, and Davenel just sat off under a tree. He drew me a picture though. It was a big beetle and flowers (the beetle he draw from a rubber one the kids had played with all week). He's a pretty good artist. Hilary had the kids sign a shirt for her and Davenel drew flowers on the front. For lunch we had macaroni and cheese, fresh mango, and citron/orange juice. It was my last taste of the fresh Haitian juice. (that I keep raving about!) After lunch we loaded the truck and said good-bye. I gave all the nurses hugs and they seemed sad to see me go, I'd had such a good time singing with them. I gave hugs to the older girls too. Lulu, Rosie, Dauline, Francois, Galeen, Galaan and the other little girls let me hug them, but the middle aged girls held back. We went over to the boys' dorm to say good-bye too. Jimmy, Jackinson and Otenel were climbing trees and didn't want to say good-bye. Wesley and Friko came over to see us but you could tell they were sad. Davenel said good-bye and then left, Ronald was really reluctant to say anything. Jennifer, Bill, Jesse and Benji went with us to the airport. The kids waved good-bye but they were subdued as we left. The saddest thing to see though was that Davenel was sitting by the boys' dorm wiping his eyes... Both the working MFI planes came into Pignon that day. The first, the one on which we had arrived, dropped off another team associated with the seven who came with us, and then left. The second one came about twenty minutes later and took us and the team that came with us on board. I got to hold Benji for awhile while at the airport and I didn't want to let her go. Good-byes were hard for me. I didn't actually cry, but I did tear up two or three times. Our team had to hurry boarding so that we could take off in time to reach Ft. Pierce before customs closed. We landed in Cape Haitian to clear customs leaving Haiti. Leaving there we were supposed to have 18 people. Somehow, whether the guy didn't show up or the pilots just forgot him, we left a guy behind! It was a Haitian guy in a group going to FL. I slept quite a lot going home. I was feeling sad and suddenly more tired than I had been (probably because everything was over and there was no extra adrenaline) We did play cards part of the way too, just sat in a circle on the floor of the plane! There was some glorious sand marbling in and around the Exuma Cays and Nassau. I took some pictures with Hannah's camera and I'm hoping they came out nicely. We made it to Ft. Pierce about 10-15 minutes before customs closed. Walking into the airport was kind of a shocker....because there was A/C! It was cold in there. It was pretty to see the reactions to all the bags with machetes and vanilla in them...there was no surprise! Apparently those are the two most popular items brought back. It was really cool watching the scanners when all our bags went rhough. There were different colors for different types of materials. Our Hertz cars were Nissan Altimas. They were quite comfortable. It was a funny mix of new and old though. There was a key, but just the fob, no metal part. If you had it near the car then you pushed a button on the dashboard and that started the car. There was no key hole! But at the same time the seats were all manual adjustment, no buttons. The first thing that struck me as really being home and not in Haiti anymore, besides the A/C, was driving by a field with two horses in it. I said, "horses," and in my mind I thought, "wow, I just saw real horses." Then it struck me what an odd thought that was. The horses in Haiti were real, just not like the ones I was used to seeing. The drive to West Palm Beach was fun. I was Marty's navigator and Hannah was also with us. We listen to the radio and I heard some songs that were new to me. (Quite amusing to Hannah and Marty who knew them well) Ain't No Woman Like the One I Got, Don't Stop Believing, Calling All Angels, and maybe another one. We stayed at a Best Western. After arriving at the motel we took off to get gas and find a place to eat dinner. At the gas station the guy inside suggested the Mexican restaurant across the way. We got there just at closing, but they told us to come in anyway. It was authentic! The sings were all in Spanish, the menu was in Spanish (w/ English on the side :P) and to Logan, Hannah and Hilary's great amusement there was a soap opera on TV...in Spanish! I got a BBQ goat torta. (I'm telling you, I love goat) It was a really big sandwich though. We all had plenty to eat (but Logan and Hannah had to go next door and try the homemade ice cream) After that Marty, Dorene and I scouted out our route to Hertz for the next morning. Turns out it was just three or four miles down the same road we were on...so that was cool. Back at the hotel most of the girls decided to take long showers. Having taken one that morning I went straight to bed! =)

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

I got up at 6:30 and hung out at the table talking to Jennifer, Chris, Bailey and Dorene. (I don't remember if I mentioned Chris and Bailey already. They came with their dads and were going to stay for about a month. The cool thing was that they came from James River Baptist Church. It's a church in Mo about two hours from us! How ironic is that? We travel part way across the world to another country and meet there some people who live just a couple hours from us!) Marty made us pancakes for breakfast. (Jodi mixed them from scratch) Then we set up for clinic and our craft. We put our craft table by the boys dorm on the cement pad. Chris and his dad had put up a basketball hoop the night before, but Jesse accidentally pulled it down! Oops. After clinic Jennifer said we would feed the people: mothers, kids, siblings, some men, all told would be between 150-200 people. The people came about 8:00 and sat on benches by the clinic building. We washed everyone's feet. That was so cool! We used basins and actually washed with soap and then dried them. The guys were done by Logan and Marty. The callouses on some of the women's feet were unbelievably thick! A lot of them were so thick and dry that they were cracked at the heels. It was such a humbling and honoring experience. I can't explain why it was, but I was so blessed in such an amazing way by doing it. We loved doing the kids feet too. They babies' feet were soooo little and so soft. We had to dump the water after each set of feet 'cause they were so dirty. We used between 60-70 gallons of water. Pastor Clebert also did a devotion with our Haitian tracts and explained the foot washing. After the women had been through the clinic then they came to the craft table where we gave them a bag with two strips of cloth and them them weave the cloth through holes in the bag. I ended up with Friko's ballcap at one point so I just wore it at a cocked angle over my bandana. The kids found that amusing. After clinic we fed everybody. It was rice and beans with sauce and kool-aid to drink. Our team, the interns and Christ and Bailey handed out the food. Wesley joined us too. We probably almost wore a path from the kitchen to the benches by clinic, we walked it so many times! Jennifer was very pleased because we got all done with clinic and everything by noon. Apparently that is a record for them! After lunch, which was Haitian spaghetti w/ fried hot dogs, avocados, and juice, we spent the the early afternoon trying to hang out with as many kids as we could. I might have forgotten to mention earlier that Davenel made me a bracelet w/ my name on it. Only he accidentally left out the second 'h'. (because they usually said my name 'heder') It's big for a bracelet on me though, so I just wear it as an anklet. Wesley made me a black and green lanyard out of some thin plastic string stuff (I've seen kids weave it into different stuff back in the states too). Come afternoon Wesley, Davenel, Ronald, Chris, Jesse and some of the others went to watch a soccer game in Pignon. Logan got to play in the soccer game! The girls weren't allowed to go, but it was pretty easy to pick him out in the pictures! He really enjoyed it he said, but he did get a small black eye and got accidentally punched in the head or something. While the guys were gone Jennifer had scheduled for some of the workers to come with market goods so we could buy stuff. I got a necklace (w/ a dolphin on it), a grass woven pad and a stained wooden box. On each of the items I got I worked the guy down to half of what he first asked (which was, of course, still more expensive than they would spend, but that's ok) It was $5 for the necklace, $4 box, $4 mat. I didn't mind supporting the folks though. The boys got back some time after five and they said Pignon won the game. The one we had watched previously they lost 0-6. We hung out more and then ate sandwiches early for dinner. Then we got ready to go to a special evening service at Pastor Francois' church. Some of our team and the kids rode in the truck but I walked with the rest of the kids. We did have a large entourage tramping down the road. Once again we sat at the front of church, but it was the front pews so we didn't see everyone staring at us! His church was a big building, at least for Pignon. There was a bass guitar and the guy who played the keyboard at Pastor Clebert's on Sunday also played it there. There were four choirs there, three female and one male. I'd say my favorite was the male choir and then one of the female choirs where on one song they had a bunch of motions and then they danced back to their seats still singing! Pastor Francois preached, and I could pick out a word here or there but I have no idea what the sermon was about! Jimmy and Christiana fell asleep on Jodi's lap and Francois fell asleep on mine. Several of the other little kids fell asleep on the pews! They usually go to bed about 6:30. After the service was over I held Jimmy until he was awake enough to walk. It was dark heading back (the service went from 7:00-9:30, and it gets dark way earlier in Haiti than back home. It was dusk when we first set out from the orphanage.) It was fun walking back because everybody was kinda subdued, the weather was beautiful, the starts were out, and the moon was just coming over the mountain. It truly was glorious!!! I know a lot of people to whom it is just boring, but even something as simple as that night just thrills me! I love God's creation. I stood outside for awhile just staring into the sky and watching the moon come over the mountain. After coming back, instead of our regular devotion we did one with all the blanc (white =D) gang and the older kids. Hannah and Jesse both played the guitar, but it was hard to find songs that both we and the Haitians knew w/ music. Then Logan did the devotion. Afterward the girls played Lago Lago (hide-n-seek) but their version is very different from the boys'. Instead of staying out and hiding, waiting to be found, they come racing back to the patio as soon as the 'it' person moves away. While they played some of us girls put together the leftover craft bags so that Jennifer could use them in the clinic when she needs. Some of the gang ate leftover Haitian spaghetti when we got back from church...but I just ate fresh mango pieces!!!

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010

I got up at 5:30 so I went outside to sit under a tree and write. It was so cool that I had to get my hoodie, I had goosebumps! I honestly didn't make much progress on writing though before the little boys came to join me. Jimmy flip-flop was broken again so while I fixed it the boys colored in the back of my notebook. Breakfast was baked oatmeal (yum!) and passion fruit/citron juice. After breakfast we set up for our Olympics. The first events was the obstacle course (with the dizzy bat being my favorite part) We split the kids into four different age groups, sub-divided into boys and girls. That was a lot of fun. After we got all through with that we did three-legged races. The boys had a blast, but all the older girls were moping and poking around. We did manage to get the younger girls excited though, and they are so cute! Especially Benji and Rosie. Those two events took us up till the kids' shower and lunch time. Lunch was pumpkin soup! Totally delicious! (pumpkin, noodles, carrots, potatoes, goat) w/ crackers. After lunch we did a Frisbee toss and then the girls did jump rope while the boys bounced a soccer ball on their feet. Then we played Steal the Bacon. When we finished the Olympics we just played with the kids for the afternoon. Dinner was leftovers. After the devotions we watched Nacho Libre. I was pretty disappointed actually. I talked with Hannah a bit about why I didn't like the movie, but I won't go into that here. (that's not what the trip was about!) Oh, I forgot! Jennifer got a call from Jesse during lunch that he was getting ready to leave Port-au-Prince and would be in Pignon in about 20 minutes (instead of arriving tomorrow). After lunch we had to wait for Jennifer and when they did return of course Jesse was quite a distraction for awhile. And he and Benji are first time best friends! It makes me think of Robert with my younger siblings. It was so sweet to watch them together. Jesse is 18 and Benji is 7, and they'd never met before, but you would never have known!