Funny poetry due to indecision on what to write!

KEYS TO THE CUISINART

I saw a chef on television
Make a dish called Wiener Schnitzel
And what he had to tell us
Was a time consuming ritual

Most of the work he’d done before
He ever got on the air
For he pulled out a tray of pork loins
So thin they would almost tear

He told us they come one inch thick
And he’d pounded them down to a quarter
We never got to see him clobber
The loins to make them shorter

I went out and bought the boneless chops
And yes they were one inch thick
By the time I pounded one of them
The violence made me sick

It also took me seven minutes
To make it a quarter inch
And I had five more loins to pound
I was really in a pinch

I put the loins in zip lock bags
I didn’t have to go very far
For I lay them down in the drive-way
And backed over them with the car

To my delight, the meat smashed down
In the time it takes to sneeze
And from that day on I’ve used my car
As a prep-chef if you please

For in a craze of creativity
I thought of other foods
My sturdy Michelin tires
Could turn into processed goods

Graham crackers smash up nicely
Into crumbs for chocolate pies
Nuts can be chopped when needed
And tough meats can be tenderized

The bottom line is simple
And I’ve taken it to heart
God bless my little SUV
It’s replaced my Cusinart

(no, I did not write this one, sorry!)